I Can Eat Food!
by keljae
Summary: A girl named Jo one day decides to host her own cheap game show in her kitchen. She somehow finds contestants from the animes The iDOLM@STER, Sword Art Online and Bakemonogatari. Do not be fooled by the title; this game show has absolutely nothing to do with food. More details inside!
1. Chapter 1

This, my friends, is what happens when a mindless girl puts characters from the animes Sword Art Online, Bakemonogatari and The iDOLM STER in a large empty room together and assigns them a topic to present their personal opinion on. Those characters are: Ami Futami, Asuna, Azusa Miura, Chihaya Kisaragi, Haruka Amami, Hibiki Ganaha, Hitagi Senjougahara, Iori Minase, Kirito, Koyomi Araragi, Makoto Kikuchi, Mami Futami, Miki Hoshii, Ritsuko Akizuki, Takane Shijou, Yayoi Takatsuki and Yukiho Hagiwara. Now, Jo is the mindless girl whom I mentioned earlier; a small girl with brown hair and a black belt in jujitsu. Who am I? Well, I am the narrator, of course. I run the show.

What's this? You don't want to listen to me talking anymore and get on with the show? And now I'm embarrassing myself by repeating everything out loud? Oh…I understand.

On with the show, then! Enjoy~

Jo: Alright, guys! This is a game-show kind of thing called "I Can Eat Food!" Sorry to disappoint you, but it has absolutely nothing to do with actual food, and I just made up the name on the spot, as this is a very cheap show that doesn't actually air on TV and takes place in my kitchen.

Contestant #3: So it doesn't involve food?!

Jo: Not even a little bit.

Contestant #3: NOOOOO!

Jo: …Well anyways, let's start by having you all introduced alphabetically. I think I arranged you so that it is completely messed up and you guys will have to figure it out yourselves. *points at chair #1 to the left of her* You! Go first!

Contestant #8: Me?

Jo: I'm pointing at you, aren't I?

Contestant #8: Pointing is rude.

Jo: I don't care.

Contestant #8: Whatever. I'm the great Iori Minase! Nihihi~ Of course, I bet I didn't even need to say, because everyone knows my name; I'm AMAZING! I mean—

Jo: NEXT.

Contestant #14: Ritsuko Akizuki! Don't forget it!

Jo: Next.

Contestant #4: I am Chihaya Kisaragi.

Contestant #9: Call me Kirito.

Jo: You're hot.

Kirito: Wh-what?!

Contestant #2: *blush*

Jo: Never mind. Next.

Contestant #2: You can call me Asuna.

Contestant #10: I'm Koyomi Araragi.

Contestant #7: I am Hitagi Senjougahara.

Jo: Heh…you're contestant #7, right?

Hitagi: I…don't know. How did you…?

Jo: Never mind. Moving on.

Contestant #15: My name is Takane Shijou.

Contestant #3: Azusa Miura is my name~

Contestant #6: Hibiki Ganaha's the name!

Contestant #16: U-uun! My name is Yayoi Takatsuki!

Contestant #1: Ami is Ami Futami~

Contestant #17: I'm Y-Yukiho Hagiwara…

Contestant #11: I'm Kikuchi Mako-riin~!

Jo: Don't go last-name first-name. And you're not cute.

Makoto: Ok…

Contestant #13: Miki's name is Miki Hoshii!

Contestant #5: My name is Haruka Amami!

Contestant #12: Mami is Mami Futami~

Jo: Otay, we're done. Well, my name is Jo. I'm your slave-master—I mean…hostess. Hostess of the show.

Everyone: Hi Jo.

Jo: Cool, guys. Alright. So on this game show—

Iori: THIS IS A GAME SHOW?!

Jo: …Yes.

Iori: WHAT WILL I WIN?!

Jo: Nothing. Otay. ANYWAY. I will ask all of you questions, sometimes I will pick out specific questions for specific people. You must answer these questions correctly. They will be weird questions, most likely, because after all, it is me running this show.

Even though Jo says she runs the show, it's really me—

Jo: Shut up, narrator.

…sigh.

Jo: Otay. You each will share your personal opinions on my questions. Got it?

Contestants: Got it.

Jo: Now…get in alphabetical order by your contestant number.

Hitagi: How do we know our contestant numbers?

Jo: *throws a fish at her* NO TALKING BACK! …actually, I guess I never thought of that.

Hitagi: Ew…this fish is slimy. Araragi-kun, get it off.

Koyomi: Eh heh… *throws the fish into the distance*

Jo: Just sit down.

Contestants: *somehow find their seats with no help from Jo*

Jo: Good. Alright. The first question is for all of you? What do you think about crabs?

Makoto: I LOVE THEM!

Hitagi: I HATE them.

Makoto: O_O Grr…you jerk! What did crabs ever do to you?!

Hitagi: … *jumps into Makoto's arms*

Makoto: OMG SHE'S LIGHT!

Hitagi: *gets off* I hate crabs. With a passion.

Jo: We were supposed to go in order, you freaks.

Makoto and Hitagi: Apologies.

Jo: Cool. Otay. Contestant #1; Ami Futami.

Ami: Ami likes crabs because they are pinchy and steal people's clothes.

Jo: Good for you…? #2; Asuna.

Asuna: I don't really have an opinion on crabs. They're just kind of…crabs.

Jo: I know what you mean. Otay, #3; Azusa Miura.

Azusa: Crabs are tasty~!

Jo: …Otay then. #4; Chihaya Kisaragi.

Chihaya: Crabs don't sing, and they don't fly, so I don't care.

Jo: Good answer. #5; Haruka Amami.

Haruka: A crab pinched me once, so I guess I don't really like them…

Jo: Good to know. #6; Hibiki Ganaha—

Hibiki: CRABS R' COOL, Y'KNOW? THEY'RE LIKE, LOOK'A ME, IMMA CRAB!

Jo: Good for crabs. #7; Hitagi Senjougahara.

Hitagi: I despise crabs. With a passion.

Jo: Nice. #8; Iori Minase.

Iori: Crabs are messy, but I guess they are kind of cute~

Jo: Awesome. #9; Kirito. What's your opinion, sexy-thaaaaang~?

Kirito: Eheh…um…you're stupid.

Jo: I get that a lot. *cheeky smile*

Kirito: Good for you…! Alright…crabs…they're just kinda…crabs.

Jo: I get you, baby. No need to explain.

Asuna: Buu…*blush*

Jo: Sorry Asuna, I'm making you jealous, right?

Asuna and Kirito: N-no…!

Jo: Aw. You were in sync. Adorable. Otay, contestant #10. Koyomi Arararararararararagi.

Koyomi: That's 7 too many 'ra's…

Jo: I did that on purpose. 7 is Hitagi's contestant number. Araragi is what she calls you. You are PERFECT together.

Koyomi: *not amused* OK, my opinion on crabs. Well, ever since I saw the Weight Crab, I never really liked them.

Jo: *smile* Perfect. Otay, #11; Makoto Kikuchi.

Makoto: Crabs are perfect! I just wanna hug them and kiss them and go out with them—I mean play with them, and lick—I mean feed them, and sleep with them—

Jo: Too much information. And you're annoying. Next. #12; Mami Futami.

Mami: Mami likes crabs because they are pinchy and steal people's clothes.

Jo: …Otay, next. #13; Miki Hoshii.

Miki: Miki thinks crabs are ok, but only when they are wet and under a lightbulb/the sun. Then they are sparkly and Miki likes sparkles.

Jo: Good for you. Next. Contestant #14; Ritsuko Akizuki.

Ritsuko: Crabs are ok, but I don't want one. It would get in the way and make my house…unorganized.

Jo: Cool. #15; Takane Shijou.

Takane: That's a secret~ Fufu~!

Jo: …Otay…? #16; Yayoi Takatsuki.

Yayoi: I like crabs! They are so tasty and my family likes them so I like them too!

Jo: Great. Contestant #17; Yukiho Hagiwara.

Yukiho: I-I wouldn't like crabs if they p-pinched me…but…I….I'm fine with them…

Jo: Otay! Done with the first question!

Kirito: …Hold up…what's your opinion, Jo? I'm sure the hostess would like to share.

Jo: You sweetheart~ I don't really like crabs. I don't like eating them; I only like them for looking at them.

Makoto: I don't like eating them either! It feels like I'm eating my mom!

Jo: What the…?

Kirito: …You're stupid too.

Makoto: Yeah, a lot of people say that to me—WAIT! I'm not stupid…!

Kirito: You…kind of are.

Makoto: ..buu. *fish lips*

Jo: OTAY! IMMA ELIMINATE A CONTESTANT NOW!

Contestants: WHAA?!

Jo: I get rid of one person every round! We could have gone through two rounds, but you guys took too long and the book is nearing it's end.

Koyomi: This is a book?

Jo: Yep.

Koyomi: …Huh. I didn't know that.

Jo: No one did. Anyway, I'm getting rid of you, Ritsuko.

Ritsuko: Whu…why?!

Jo: Your answer was boring and old-lady like. Plus, I don't like you. Take her away, big tough buff manly man-slaves—bodyguards…!

Bodyguards: HUP-HUP *lift Ritsuko over their heads*

Ritsuko: WAAH! THIS IS WEIRD—BWA! DON'T TOUCH ME THERE! AURGH! *carried away*

Iori: …Well that was entertaining.

Jo: I know. That was awesome.

*silence*

Jo: Oh! One more thing; the way you leave the show differs every round. So this round, you were carried away by masculine body guards. Next round, you could be kicked out by a team of rabid lizard-ducks from space. I dunno. Anything can happen on a game show.

Hibiki: Where are the ducks?

Jo: In my bathroom.

Hibiki: Where's your bathroom?

Jo: Down that hall.

Hibiki: Bye. *leaves to play with the ducks*

Eh, Hibiki Ganaha will be back next chapter. From here on out, there will be polls. You may vote on who you want leaving and Jo will calculate those votes and mix in her own votes and opinions and hopefully chose someone to leave! If we don't have enough votes, either we wait to post the next chapter, or Jo chooses someone herself. Thank you! I hope you enjoyed the show! Come back next chapter!

~Sincerely, Narrator


	2. Chapter 2

Episode 2

This is officially the second episode of the new game show called "I Can Eat Food", which ironically has nothing to do with food. Jo will be eliminating another contestant today. The previous contestant's numbers have been bumped up to replace Ritsuko, who was eliminated last episode. Jo told me something about a "my face, your face, place space race…?" I have no clue what that is, but you will find out.

Enjoy today's show!

Jo: The narrator already said something about my My Face, Your Face, Place Space Race, but I'll say more. The My Face, Your Face, Pla—

Asuna: We get it.

Jo: …Yeah. So that one thing…has absolutely nothing to do with a race. It's actually a *censored*

Yayoi: Um…Jo-chan…?

Jo: Yes, Contestant #15?

Yayoi: Um…my name is Yayoi…

Jo: I don't care.

Yayoi: R-right! Anyway…why was the event censored?

Jo: Because you can't know what it actually is.

Yayoi: Then why did you bother telling us about it if you weren't going to actually tell us what it was?

Jo: 'Cause I'm cool like that. Moving on. Alright, I'll ask a question, you all will answer, and we'll have the preliminary match against the two top voted contestants. The question is…what is your individual opinion on the opposite gender? Contestant #1, you may start us off.

Ami: *perverted smile* Guys are hot.

Mami: Hn fuu fuu~ Yeah!

Jo: Otay, now you guys are both out of the way. Good job saving time. Next.

Asuna: Some guys are cool, some are stupid. I don't really care.

Jo: Good for you.

Kirito: Am I stupid?

Asuna: No, you're one of the cool ones.

Kirito: …thanks~

Jo: I love you.

Kirito: …What?

Jo: I said nothing. Moving on.

Azusa: I like men! I want a husband!

Jo: Cool. Next.

Chihaya: I have no time for men.

Jo: You have time for Producer.

Chihaya: He produces my music. Hence the name "Producer."

Jo: Shut up, you. Next.

Haruka: I like most guys 'cause they're good looking!

Hibiki: I like my animals more than guys~ But if the ANIMALS are guys, that's just AWESOME! And if the GUY animal is ATTRACTIVE—

Jo: ENOUGH OF YOU. NEXT.

Hitagi: Men are small-minded things~

Koyomi: …You really think I'm stupid, don't you?

Hitagi: How rude to accuse me of such things.

Koyomi: But you…! …Ah, forget it.

Jo: NEXT.

Iori: I have man-slaves~

Jo: So do I! Isn't it awesome?!

Iori: Yeah! Once I ordered Man-slave #21 to drive off of my roof! It was splendid!

Jo: I can only imagine! I ought to try that. Hey Man-Slave! Go drive off my roof!

Man-Slave #18: Yes ma'am. *drives off the roof*

Jo: Yay. *video tapes the whole thing* Haha! Listen to his screaming! It's pitiful!

Iori: Nihihi! That's hilarious!

Jo: Hahaha—alright…back to the show. Kirito…you uber-sexy beautiful beast whom I love with my life…it's your turn.

Kirito: I have to go…wash my cat.

Jo: You don't even have a cat.

Kirito: Ah—I know.

Jo: Sit, child.

Kirito: … *sit* Ok…females…they just kind of exist.

Jo: I exist.

Kirito: …yeah.

Jo: I like his answer the most. Otay, Koyomi. Go.

Koyomi: You actually used my name. I'm flattered.

Jo: Just answer the dang question.

Koyomi: Got it. Chicks are sexy—I mean…I…don't care. Pfft.

Jo: You…are stupid. You remind me of someone. *thinks of my OC Sora*

*Sora sneezes in the distance*

Jo: …Otay, next.

Makoto: GUYS ARE HOT!

Jo: …cool. Next.

Miki: Miki likes men. Well…the certain men…that are attractive. Like Honey. And Touma-kun. Touma-kun is hot.

Jo: He is, isn't he? But not as hot as my baby Kirito. *creepy rapist stare*

Kirito: O_O" *hides behind Koyomi* TAKE HIM INSTEAD!

Koyomi: Yeah, thanks.

Jo: Gladly. I'm kidding. I like you more.

Kirito: Please…please just leave me alone…

Jo: NEVER.

Kirito: Gahh…

Jo: Otay. Next. Takane.

Takane: I have no opinion over men.

Jo: Yayoi.

Yayoi: I don't really like men because a lot of the men I've met are scary and big and have children.

Jo: What's wrong with having children?

Yayoi: The children are mutants.

Jo: Ah. Got it.

Yayoi: It's Yukiho-chan's turn now!

Jo: I CALL THE TURNS YOU TURD.

Yayoi: Uwah! Mean!

Jo: Otay Yukiho, go ahead.

Yukiho: *tremble* MEN ARE SCARY! *digs a hole and buries herself*

Jo: …What's her problem?

Makoto: She's scared of men~

Jo: NOOO! I NEVER would have guessed! Especially since she just told me that she thought men were scary and buried herself under the ground! You're such a genius Makoto!

Makoto: Hehe…I know~

Jo: *sweat drop* You're stupid. Otay! Anyway, on with the question.

Azusa: But…we're done, Jo-chan.

Jo: …Oh yeah. Otay! Well, since my poll got two votes on different people—and may I add, that was a disappointment. COME ON, PEOPLE! I GOT A SHOW TO RUN! I NEED YOUR COOPERATION! So vote more and stuff…so anyway, the votes were on…

Everyone: *suspense*

Jo: Makoto, and…

Makoto: NOOOOOOOOOO!

Jo: Cool. Makoto and Haruka.

Haruka: DOUBLE NOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEESSSS!

Jo: Otay, so you guys will come over here. And this is where you will find out what a My Face, Your Face, Place Space Race is.

Haruka: So what is it?

Jo: Please hold. *whispering to the Narrator* Do you know what the MFYFPSR is? I need ideas.

Jo, you could always actually make it a race.

Jo: PSH! Thanks for nothing, you no-good Narrator! Why would I make it a race?!

Because it has the word 'race' in it.

Jo: …YOU'RE NO HELP AT ALL…! Why would I make it what it's SUPPOSED to be?! I—I have an idea. Narrator, you will help. Be a judge.

M-me?! Really, Jo-sama? Thank you! Wait…judge what?

Jo: Ladies and gentlemen! It is now time for the very first My Face, Your Face, Place Space Race! MFYFPSR for short. Alright, I'll take a guest from the audience.

Ritsuko: OOH! ME! PICK ME, JO! PICK ME!

Jo: No. You, over there, the completely lifeless one showing absolutely no joy in the corner!

Person: …wha…?

Jo: …Oh, it's just you, Jasper. Alright, Jasper! Get on up here!

Jasper: No.

Jo: Man-slaves—bodyguards…GET HIIIIIIIM!

Bodyguards: HUP-HUP!

Jasper: …*presses the "square button" and the world blows up*

Jo: Cool. *picks him up and puts him on stage*

Jasper: UNHAND ME, WOMAN!

Jo: I already did.

Jasper: …Oh yeah. Ok, so what do you want?

Jo: You're going to be a judge for this episodes contest!

Jasper: What's the contest?

Jo: A HAMBURGER-EATING SWIMMING RELAY CONTEST!

Jasper: Oh boy.

Jo: YAY! Haruka and Makoto! Get on out here!

Haruka: Why are we in hamburger suits?

Jo: Because you'll be eating hamburgers, so I want you to be in the mood, y'know?

Haruka: …Yeah.

Jo: Where's Makoto?

Haruka: She insisted on wearing a puffy pink dress instead of a hamburger suit and tried to convince me that it was a beauty contest.

Jo: She is dead wrong. You guys will look like pigs that rolled in muddy death when you're done.

Haruka: I understand that much.

Jo: Man-slaves—bodyguards, go get her.

Bodyguards: HUP-HUP! *carry Makoto in a hamburger suit out*

Makoto: UNHAND ME YOU VILE CREATURES—oh, it's just you big boys~ How's it going? 3

Jo: Feel free to throw her off my roof when you're done.

Bodyguards: Thank you, Jo-sama.

Jo: Alright, let's get going. I need another judge.

Ritsuko: OOH! PICK ME! ME, JO! PICK ME!

Jo: Momo! Get on up here!

Momo: Yo!

Jo: Be a judge for my hamburger eating swimming relay race.

Momo: Do I get a hamburger?

Jo: Sure.

Momo: I'M IN!

Jo: Otay! We're done. We can get starte—SORA OMG YOU BEAUTIFUL THING GET YOUR SEXY BUTT UP HERE!

Sora: NOOOOOOEEEEESS! SHE FOUNDED MEEEEEE!

Jo: Be a judge, gorgeous!

Sora: …Fine.

But I thought I was a—

Jo: Shut up, Narrator. Sora's hotter then you.

Sora: *sweat-drop*

Jo: Otay everyone, get ready.

*everyone sits at their designated tables*

Jo: Ready…set…HAMBURGER!

Makoto and Haruka: MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH I AM EATING A HAMBURGEEER MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH I HOPE I WIN JO'S CONTEEEEST MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH WHY AM I STILL SINGIIIIING MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH I NEED TO FINISH MY HAMBURGEEER!

Jo: Lovely song, guys! Makoto finishes her hamburgers! Haruka still has one more verse to go!

Haruka: MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH THIS IS MY LAST HAMBURGER HA TAKE THAT MAKOTO NOW I'M RIGHT BEHIND YOU!

Makoto: *dives into the water* …BEUDHFHUGEHSKGHEUU CRAMP!

Haruka: HA! I don't have to wait 30 minutes after eating to go swimming! I RUUUULE! *jumps in and swims to the other side*

Jo: MAKOTO FAILED! HARUKA IS THE WINNER! IT'S ALL OVER, FOLKS!

Haruka: CHAAAAAAAMP!

Audience: WOOHOO GO HARUKA YEAH COOL SUMMER!

Jo: Bodyguards, go fetch Makoto and throw her off of my roof. On the cliffy side. That will be her elimination.

Bodyguards: HUP-HUP!

Jo: Congratulations Haruka! You're safe another episode!

Haruka: YAAY!

Sora: What was the point of having judges if we didn't even judge anything?

Jo: I like looking at your pretty faces.

Jasper: So that's why you didn't pick Ritsuko?

Jo: Yep!

Ritsuko: Heeeeey! Offensive much!

Jo: Yep! Otay! And this concludes today's episode! Thank you for watching! Take it away, Narrator!

And so, Makoto drowned to the bottom of the ocean and then was thrown off of a cliff by two masculine bodyguards and Haruka won the My Face, Your Face, Place Space Race, or MFYFPSR. Jasper made fun of Ritsuko's looks and ran away to get some ice-cream. Momo just ended up jumping off the cliff after Makoto screaming "YOU ONLY LIVE OOOOONNNCCCEEEEEEEE!" Sora just shrugged and tried walking away, but Jo kidnapped him and glued him to a chair where she read him children's stories. And that was a basic summary of what just happened! Tune in next time to see who gets eliminated! Don't forget to vote! Farewell!

One more thing; from now on, Jo will be hosting the episode, and then putting up a poll instead of putting up a poll at the end of each elimination. The contestants will take their round for the first time, then votes will be counted, then in the next episode, someone will be eliminated and the question will be after that, but in the same episode. This same routine will be in play for the episodes to come! Thank you! Good bye!

Wait…where is Hibiki?


	3. Chapter 3

Episode 3

Welcome to the third episode of I Can Eat Food! In this episode, Jo will hold the elimination on the previous votes (thank you again to the two votes received) and then ask the question. Jo is setting up her contest now. I believe she called it the…NFL Tour? I don't know what it has to do with football, or if it even has anything to do with football, because all she told me was the acronym. For all we know, it could stand for Nautical Feather Linguine Tour. Well anyway, onto the show. Enjoy!

Jo: Hey guys, it's been a while. I want all of you to shut up so that I can confirm my elimination process with Narrator.

…Oh, goodness. She doesn't know again.

Jo: *whispering* So Narrator…got any ideas?

It could be the Nautical Feather Linguine Tour.

Jo: BRILLIANT! Otay, get in line.

There doesn't need to be a line—

Jo: BUTT OUT NARRATOR.

I—fine.

Jo: Otay. Is everyone in line?

Iori: No. We enjoyed listening to you two argue too much.

Jo: …Well get in line.

Haruka: Don't you need to tell us who is participating in this episode's elimination first? And then only they line up?

Jo: STOP CORRECTING ME. *slaps her with a duck* Oh wait. I never thought of that. I guess you're ri…rigggts…riiiiighththht…

Chihaya: You mean…right?

Jo: Yes, that's the word. I never learned how to pronounce that unless I was talking about myself. Or asking in the form of a question, but who cares. Otay! The competing contestants are…

*anticipation*

Jo: Chihaya and Takane.

Chihaya and Takane: Wait…what? Why?

Jo: Your answers were boring. Or people just don't like you. Get out here and stand next to each other! Man-sla—body guards, bring in the pasta, feathers, and cruise ship!

Body-Guards: HUP-HUP!

Takane: What do pasta and nautical relations have to do with elimination from a cheesy gameshow?

Jo: Nothing! That's why it's funny! Hahaha! See? Laughter!

Chihaya: …I'm not laughing.

Jo: You will be after this.

Chihaya: …you scare me.

Jo: I should.

Koyomi: Cool. Get on with the elimination.

Jo: Right. Otay, load them on the ship, man-slaves. I mean body-guards.

Body-Guards: HUP-HUP! *pick up Chihaya and Takane and throws them on a cruise ship* WHAT ABOUT THE PASTA, JO-SAMA?

Jo: Throw it on them. All 800 pounds of it!

Kirito: Wow, that's a lot of pasta.

Jo: I know, right? Heheh…otay! Load the tickle-specializing man-slaves!

Takane: Tickle-WHAT?!

Jo: Tickle YOU!

Man-slaves: Yes ma'am-sir-chief-boss-sama-sempai-san-kun-chan!

Jo: MUAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Man-slaves: *excessive tickling*

Chihaya and Takane: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH NOES NOT TEH FOOT NOOOOOOOOES!

Hibiki: Well, this is entertainin'.

Jo: Where did you—where were you?! What the heck, dude?

Hibiki: I was playin' with the ducks.

Jo: …Um…

Chihaya: MUST…GET…OUT…FROM…10 TIMES MY BODY WEIGHT! BWAA…*scrambles out from the pasta*

Man-slaves: *still tickling*

Takane: AH…I'M STUCK…MY LIFE IS FLASHING BEFORE MY VERY EYES…or is that just the pasta? No, no…it has to be my life…

Jo: While Takane is contemplating what she sees, Chihaya is about to leap off the boat!

Chihaya: I CAN FLYYYYYYYYYYY! *jumps off the boat and flies to shore*

Jo: I was not expecting that! Well, now Takane is going home. Bye, Takane!

Everyone: Bye-bye~

Jo: Wow, this episode was the longest and I haven't even asked the question yet. Well, the question is; who would you want to have sex with? Twins, you're up.

Twins: NII-CHAN!

*Producer sneezes in the distance*

Jo: Uhh…awkward…well anyway, Asuna!

Asuna: Kirito. I MEAN…I DIDN'T SAY THAT! I SAID…KILL…A TOE!

Kirito: A-aah…*blush*

Asuna: I…am going to die in a hole.

Jo: No you're not. Azusa, next.

Azusa: I just need a husband. Wink wink. Nudge nudge.

Jo: Cool. Chihaya.

Chihaya: No one. I want to grow up and be a fat old hag the opera singer. And instead of a crazy cat woman, I want to be a solemn bird lady.

Jo: Well, that certainly saved you from elimination. Haruka!

Haruka: My boyfriend Tategami~

Jo: I didn't expect you to answer so truthfully.

Haruka: Ahh…I mean…

Jo: Never mind. Hibiki!

Hibiki: I dunno.

Jo: Otay. Hitagi.

Hitagi: … *looks at Koyomi* *smile* Oh, no one…

Koyomi: *blush*

Jo: Hehehe…Iori, you're next.

Iori: How dare you ask me that question! I am a humble, wholesome girl!

Jo: HUMBLE…HAHAHA…

Iori: Well, whatever. I don't want to have sex until I marry.

Jo: Good choice. Kirito, sexy thaaaaaaang.

Kirito: I…don't want to answer…*blush*

Jo: Sure you do!

Kirito: No, I really don't.

Jo: ANSWER THE STUPID QUESTION. It's Asuna, isn't it?

Kirito: N-no…!

Jo: You hesitated. That means it's true. Anyway, Koyomi!

Koyomi: You all already know. *looks at Hitagi*

Jo: Yeah. Otay, Miki!

Miki: TOUMA-KUN~3!

*Touma sneezes in the distance*

Jo: Hehe…I knew that. Yayoi.

Yayoi: No one! Men are scary and have scary mutant children!

Jo: Agreed. Yukiho!

Yukiho: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!

Jo: I got you, hon. Otay, the round is over. Come back next episode, guys. Don't forget to vote for your enemies.

Asuna: But…we're not allowed to vote.

Jo: …Oh yeah. Narrator! Take it away!

The episode is finally over. I think Takane died under the pressure of 800 pounds of linguine, but who cares? She'll be back in a few months!

Jo: That's not how death works, Narrator.

Whatever. Anyway, I hope this new setup is convenient! Please vote and come back next time! Summary of after the episode; Asuna insisted on crying in a hole due to her outburst, so Jo sent her to a complimentary sob-ditch where she met her new friend, Bob, who was sobbing after his dead parakeet. Kirito went in a different hole and just sat, pondering his existence. Hibiki stole Jo's ducks, so Jo sent her to Iori's jail-house. That was pretty much it…oh! Also, Chihaya and Haruka discussed Chihaya's new ability to fly short distances…? I still don't understand how that happened, but there are plenty strange things on this show. Well, goodbye!


End file.
